For so long Black American Mothers have been neatly filed into racist social tropes. We are either ghetto Moms, asexual bodies that serve the youth and the men in our community or we are the likeable, respectable woman who knows her place.
Hi. I’m a Mom. I think that’s bullshit. Black Moms we are human. We are also complex human beings because the duality of being a Black American parent in America — being here and trying to raise our children whilst protecting them from the trauma we have faced demands complexity and cleverness.
I started blogging for two really important reasons: 1) I needed an outlet to navigate and examine my extreme sadness from my divorce. I was head deep into two nervous breakdowns and I needed a way to write the pain and then examine my own feelings, whilst I rebuilt my life. 2) There was no space on the internet that I knew of for older Black American Mothers dealing with everyday life. Everyday life includes racism, sexism, colorism, classism, marginalization at work, evolving sexuality, divorce, dating, health, chronic illness. No one was talking about real life for Black American Moms and so I wanted to talk about my life so that other older Black Moms like me didn’t feel alone.
Early on in my blogging journey, I gave myself a 5-year plan. I wanted to start earning money from my blog within five years. Seemed do-able and is doable — for some. I tried to pitch to brands and that sinking feeling oozed in. I talk about real Mom issues – issues that mainstream society tries to avoid and doesn’t want to elevate. I had to then make the decision to be okay with the core foundation of my brand — which is my humanity.
I also had to be very okay with the fact that I create great content but implicit bias in the blogging world is very real. Right now as a working, divorced Super Mom with so many other pressing priorities – I will accept the positive, encouraging and authentic engagement or brand partnerships I attract. Given that my time is precious, I want to engage in collaborative efforts that bring me joy, where I’m valued and where I’m respected.
Sometimes I look at a lot of other Mom bloggers with envy. I realize my style is different. I don’t have pictures of my kid plastered on my brand Instagram profile or on social media. I demand privacy for my Future CEO and there are moments that I selfishly want to stay hidden from the world. They belong only to our family and my memories. I refuse to open wide the window to my life. You see what I want you to see or what emotionally spills out of me that turns to art.
Being a divorced Mother has a stigma to it. Society still feels as though I failed as a woman to a point. Then throw being a proud Black American with dark skin and progressive opinions on top of that. I become a novelty for a cult following, but not a poster woman for a big bottle of “mop and glo” … if you get my drift.
All in all. I love blogging. I love writing. I love evolving and going back for self-examination. Such is life. I don’t play the “respectability olympics”. I’m just me. I’m a Mom. I get depressed. I love cheese. Large breakfast plates excite me. I ponder my existence in the aisles of Home Depot. I have 3 crock-pots. My Instant Pot is life. I’m Black. I am a radical because I love myself despite the world marginalizing me because I’m Black. I love comics. My dogs are angels and they bring me a lot of joy. Right now I’m struggling with clutter in my dining room. I killed 3 ant mounds in the front yard. I use words like quagmire, whilst and chuffed in my text to my friends.
I am a Mom.
I am a human being.
I’m a beautiful Black Mom who is in touch with her humanity.
Such is life…