I have seen that saying a billion times. It was only when my marriage was failing 3 years prior to my divorce, did I understand what that meant.
Yet, I didn’t listen. I sub’ed in two more toxic and/or uninspiring relationships. But my letting go skills got better each go round. I think now I am to the point where I can read the writing on the wall before the paint dries. I will happily show myself the door.
People get tired of being an option or having their heart broken. I would much rather let go of a magnanimous fire in my heart than to waste an ounce of my love on someone who doesn’t value me or care for me with the same vigor.
We cannot hold on to things that no longer serve us with fervor, love, kindness, joy, or respect. When these things are missing, the tide will turn. Holding on will be the equivalent of having a rope tied around your wrists. The rope will be burning into your flesh as you cry out for relief or look to that person for help. Yet, they will fail you as time goes on or they will let you be dragged with glee.
Holding on to people when we aren’t supposed to is like having a giant albatross around your neck. You are weighed down with sadness, the lack of reciprocity, and you are grieving in real-time the loss of hope / vision you had for a relationship.
Please know that I have been there countless times, so this is no judgement. This is simply me acknowledging the pain of being dragged when months or years prior you should have walked away.
Letting go is an act of self care. I promise you. It okay to put yourself first. If someone doesn’t want you, you are no less valuable or lovable. You are deserving of a great loving relationship filled with healthy communication, great sex, tender intimacy, laughter, understanding, and kindness. Loving relationships should NOT be filled with strife, consistent anxiety, sadness, feeling lonely or isolated, cruelty, or aloofness.
I want so much more for every one of us who have been dragged and also who have had to walk away because love, fervor, kindness, and adoration was no longer being served.
Promise yourself that when you start to feel like you are no longer adored, when you cannot connect anymore, when the texts are few and far between, when you feel like an option instead of a priority… you will muster the strength to let go and move on.
Have the conversation and state your ask, if that cannot be fulfilled, darling do let go. Let love, adoration, passion, and kindness find you, proper.
You f’ing deserve it. You always did and you always will.