Listen Linda, I have been overthinking my entire existence since I was 7. I am 40 years into the game. I ain’t new to this, I’m true to it. Lol! Christmas holiday is a time of reflection for me. This holiday season I have been overthinking myself into long naps, smiles, and tears. I cannot help it. It is who I am.
Lately, I am having some nice brainy moments. Moments where I see the forest and the trees. It calms my fears and anxiety for the future. Mainly, because I am living in the now. Unapologetically trying to navigate the day and restarting my story tomorrow.
The pandemic has helped me create the habit of living in the now because the future is not promised and it seems scary. Before the pandemic and before my DVT this year, I lived in the future. I wallowed incessantly in the past. The now seemed painful because of the emotional and mental work I have to do to stay level headed and protect my heart from negative feelings. ….but the habit has been created. I live in the now. I cherish the past. I pull lessons from the past. I accept the future will be what I make it, but if it doesn’t go the way to plan, just pivot and let the plot twist unfold.
There is a level of peace I am trying to reach by truly accepting the life I have now versus the life I had planned. Hurts like hell sometimes, because it seems like I stay losing. Then I shake off my “inner limey”, I look around at the absolute Blessings in my life and I realize on some level, even in my darkest hours, I stay winning.
Suddenly, my very ambitious brain turns to business. What’s my next big idea? How can I use my skills to make my community better?
What if just being a SuperMom and navigating Sarcoidosis is my legacy? That’s not so bad. At least I will be above ground. That’s my scattered thought pattern these days. Life, living with a chronic illness, my next big idea, what I got so wrong in my adulthood, and making an exponentially better life for my Future CEO.
I never stop thinking, except when I sleep and when I am deep in a moment of intimacy where I am so safe, so free, my guard is down and all I can do is smile.
So, I raise my glass of bubbles tonight to all of us over-thinkers and our muses. May we stay inspired to stay the course and complete our journey to self-actualization.