Coming full circle

*this is a very long post… start at the bottom and then work back up to the top… enjoy*

Photo by lalesh aldarwish on

What’s really heart warming right now is that 6 years after I wrote this, I have managed to maintain that loving and peaceful feeling. My house is actually messy-er. My two beautiful girl dogs Jess and Kels are over the Rainbow bridge (RIP my dear loves…). I now have two boy dogs — Chaz and the puppy of all puppies Inky. My Future CEO is an inch shorter than me. The Baby who will always be my baby is not a little baby anymore. I still wish that my Baby was a baby. It went by too fast. There are still pictures of my Future CEO everywhere. I still write love notes and stick them on the CEO’s laptop before online school. My kitchen is the 17th wonder of the world. Things come in that kitchen and multiple or disappear, depending on the day. I discovered the delay buttons on the washer, dryer and the dishwasher, I feel like a real adult now. There is an Instant Pot on my big island and I think of it as a culinary deity in my home. When you walk in my home, you will get a big smile and I will lovingly say “please excuse the mess” while trying to shove a cold drink in your hand. I will always offer to make you a snack or cook you meal.

I don’t have anything figured out. I’m surviving. I’ve been in survival mode since I was 5 years old. I’ve done some amazing things, traveled — from Chicago, to NYC, to England, to the “H”. Many a dance floor, many a moonlight adventure, many a time I’ve sat on a beach and looked out at the sky as though I was having a conversation with God. I’ve been so many versions of myself

…. but the woman I am now, the doting Mother I am now, the comical wise and expletive filled friend I am now is happy — even with all my myriad of health challenges. I am also at peace and I would do anything to protect it. I feel accomplished because keeping joy and peace in my home life has been a consistent goal — which I have achieved and will endeavor to maintain.

Now, if I could only get on with decorating the place the way I really want. LOL! Here’s to life! There is always a plot twist, but dig deep and keep it moving.


The Lady who watches home shows obsessively on Hulu & Amazon Prime

Photo by Susanne Jutzeler on

6 Years Ago

November 23, 2014  ยท ( I wrote the following…. )

If you come to my house, it looks lived in. There is glitter spilled all over the dining room table. I have hand written notes and letters on the breakfast table. My child’s pictures are on every display surface in my great room. My three dogs are malting, I pick up fur balls every day. There are dog bowls. There is the toy mecca known as her playroom. There are empty rooms that hold an air of sorrow, feeling haunted, unloved and cold. My kitchen is my hub as there is a bluetooth speaker for music, a blender which I can create anything in and two coffee makers, one in which I solely make tea. In the corner is currently 12 empty bottles of wine, all red. Pictures, report cards, vet magnets adorn the fridge and my laundry room looks like I’m the laundry lady in the Washeteria. It’s a mess. A very organized, beautiful, loving, kind, anointed mess. It’s fabulously imperfect, yet it’s full of two things that I had been yearning for … peace and love. Not the kind of love that celebrity tabloids and romance novellas are made of… no not that type. The type of love where you walk in my house and I’m shoving wine, beer, kool-aid or cold water in your hand and then welcoming you to my world. The kind of love where you see me talking to my dogs like they are people and then I let them jump on me for a group hug. The kind of love where my darling child dances around in glee because she feels safe and happy. That love. The love and kindness that grounds you. Then there is peace. There is peace in my routine, dogs pee or rip up blanket, I yell bloody murder, clean up then somehow a turkey treat slips into each of their cages. The kind of peace where I fling open the door to feel the cold air in the morning as I sit at the breakfast table looking completely dishelved whilst drinking a hot beverage and reading tech news online. The kind of peace where the arguments are about not letting baby girl take her new book to school, or why she didn’t eat the oreo in her lunchable. The kind of peace where you feel safe, there is no cussing, no angry yelling, no hurt, no destroyed egos, no steam rolled self esteem…. just silence sometimes, laughter, smiles, silly dances, the sound of keys typing, barking, tail wagging, washing machine humming, sizzle of bacon, the beep of the microwave, giggles, prayers, hugs, tender drop of tears from feeling Blessed … the kind of peace that engulfs your heart and you would do anything to protect it.

If you come to my house, it feels like a home. And for the first time in my life, I am no longer running …. I’m happy here in this place, I made a home for me and my modern family. #Mommyfab@Efabulous1


Did I mention the wine? Bwwwwwwwah7