You’re over 45 and divorced. Dating is going to be like a damn circus. Face it.

This is a funny post. Some things I will write will be true. Some will be hyperbole. Fun facts: I’m divorced, over 45 years old and I’m Black American. So there’s layers to the foolishness that is about to ensue. And if you are triggered by profanity, please skip this post.

Here comes the clowns ooopsy I mean potential dating candidates ….

This is what the pool of candidates look like when you are an educated Black American woman over 45+, divorced and looking to have a reasonably intelligent level of engagement. You are choosing from a plethora of clowns. Now don’t get me wrong, there are are some good and great guys out there. You just have to sift through the pool of candidates like you would going to Ross to buy a good bra on a Wednesday when they’ve put out all the new merchandise and family of 25 have decided to have a group trip to the store.

Drinking your feelings has its benefits.

I know. I know you are calling me ” bitter”. I would respond simply by saying I am not. I am merely observing things and writing them down in a comical fashion to soften the blow that there are little to no prospects and many wonderful, beautiful Black American women will probably grow old alone and be socially erased from society once they cross the age of 45. I am an observer of life and a tell-er of stories. Don’t judge me. (out loud anyway… lol)

You get a clown! You get a clown! You get clown! Er’body gets a clown!!!!

I digress. Clowns. A plethora of clowns. How does one avoid clowns? Well, start by not going to the motherf*cking circus? How ’bout that? I have seen a lot of beautiful and intelligent women get caught up in foolishness and fuckery because they had a “circus addiction”. (Here is where I sheepishly raise my hand like Arnold Horshack!) Stahp! Stop! Halt! (that’s stop in German). Stop going to the circus. And nowadays, don’t buy online tickets to their IG live either!!! Once you get gaffled or hurt by a clown, take notes and then don’t go back into the circus unless you are willing to vet the clowns with the Power of Grayskull!

You know in the first 30 mins of a dialogue if you all are intellectually and socially yoked. If you are talking about drinking champagne during the Bateaux-Mouches tours on the River Siene and he is talking about he cannot wait until the 50 Yard Line sports lounge opens back up … and he has never traveled before, chances are it’s going to be hard sell on both sides of the table. You don’t have to date an exact clone of yourself but if you are 45+, it is reasonable that you all share some of the same types of experiences.

… but we have chemistry. Welp? Chemistry is fine and dandy. Unless you mix the wrong chemicals and come up with an explosion of some sort. You mixing it up in “the lab” and the motherf*cker turns out to be a sociopath. Then chemistry sucks. Compatibility is a smidge more important. Chemistry is important if you are getting geared up to be “friends with benefits” or just want to get laid, but I don’t think it should be the driver of companionship because chemistry, attraction, that all changes with familiarity, time, waist lines, bad hips and bits that start to bulge when yo’ ass gets old. I don’t know, I mean I’m a divorced spinster, so why listen to me. Well… I’m a divorce spinster, so damnit that means I kinda know. Bwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

If he is only communicating with you via social media and you’ve never talked on the phone or he doesn’t make time to talk to you on the phone, cut your fucking losses mate. You ain’t made the main roster and … and I know you don’t want to hear this, but they don’t really like you. I mean we 45+ are the generation that went from a rotary phone, to push button, to beepers to the mobile phone… GenXer(s) with a bit of common sense and an IQ over 45 actually like having fun or entertaining conversations with other adults. If you are 45+ and you cannot have a decent conversation with another 45+ adult, you don’t need a relationship or to be dating, you need a therapist. Call your EAP line. Now let’s review if they ain’t calling you on a regular basis just to hear your voice, THEY ARE JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU. It’s okay, you are not alone. I have people just taking up space in my inbox / DMs. They ain’t called me since Moses talked to a burning bush and I’ve taken note of said behavior. These are the same motherf*ckers that do not clap when I win. They’re fodder. See definitions of clowns.

By age 45, everyone should know what they like and what they want. You should be able to articulate what you find acceptable on a date, in a person to date, what’s acceptable to your palette as a side dish and if you want to deal with imitation crab in the sushi that you get from the supermarket. You are old as hell. You should know these things. Speak up! What I can say is DO NOT SETTLE. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS DORITOS WITH HOT SAUCE AND PICKLE JUICE (it’s a Chicago thing I don’t know if you understand…) DO NOT SETTLE. I TRIED IT. IT SUCKS ASSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. And generally sucking ass is a bad thing. I’mma stop right there and move on.

Remember they were really good friends FIRST.

ALL GOOD RELATIONSHIPS START OFF WITH A GOOD, SOLID AND HEALTHY FRIENDSHIP.

ALL GOOD RELATIONSHIPS START OFF WITH A GOOD, SOLID AND HEALTHY FRIENDSHIP.

ALL GOOD RELATIONSHIPS START OFF WITH A GOOD, SOLID AND HEALTHY FRIENDSHIP.

ALL GOOD RELATIONSHIPS START OFF WITH A GOOD, SOLID AND HEALTHY FRIENDSHIP.

ALL GOOD RELATIONSHIPS START OFF WITH A GOOD, SOLID AND HEALTHY FRIENDSHIP.

Just in case you didn’t know.

Show me the “hoe fax”…. miles are not important, I just want to make sure you are getting your maintenance in and inspection tests.

Engaging with other human beings is a risk to your health. Mentally, physically and emotionally. Physically, you want to make sure you are dealing with someone that actually takes care of themselves and their health issues. Also, you want to make sure they have good sexual health as well. Sooooo, I’mma need to see your COVID19 test, your STD test, HIV test …. I’m need to see all the scores if you wanna squeeze my knee. LOL! No but seriously, protect your peace and protect your health. I understand being lonely and wanting companionship, but NEVER PUT YOUR OWN HEALTH AT RISK BECAUSE OF THE IRRESPONSIBILITY OR INEPTITUDE OF ANOTHER. Always put your health, FIRST.

Eventually we all tire of the clowns and we seek to share a laugh with genuine, kind, honest, trustworthy, good people.

The last thing I want to say is that life doesn’t end after divorce, it changes radically, though. You change. Your preferences changes. What you won’t and will allow will change. I think it is up to you to PUT YOURSELF, YOUR PEACE AND YOUR HAPPINESS FIRST. ALWAYS. The universe will respond by putting someone in your life that will bring good cheer and maybe, but not always, they might want to spoon with you naked. LMAO.

Many of my tidbits apply to both men and women over 45+. So don’t think I’m ragging on men. I’m not. I like them, especially with their shirt off with a raging 6 pack doing yard work whilst I stand ever so quietly in the window watching from the curtains.

It is my wish that everyone finds the love that they deserve and be in a healthy, kind, passionate, funny, realistic relationship in which their soul is at peace and their heart is in good company. That’s what I want for all of us stumbling in and out of the circus.

Now if you will excuse me… I gotta go check my lack lustre DMs.