My contribution to the ISOLATION JOURNALS

I decided to participate in day 7 of the #IsolationJournals. I came across a post on Instagram and it inspired me to write.

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Thank you @suleikajaouad for having me🙏🏾 ・・・ To round out our first week of #theisolationjournals, I’m honored and delighted to introduce my friend @rachel.cargle. Her explorations of race and womanhood have ignited meaningful conversations with people all over the world. In today’s prompt, however, she’s inviting us to have a dialogue with ourselves—past, present and future. ♥️ Suleika . DAY 07. – Rachel Cargle . “Lately, I’ve found comfort in appreciating the various versions of myself thus far. That younger me who was brave enough to make the big move to the city. Child me who opened her heart to curiosity and found hobbies that I still indulge in today. Teenage me who was scared often and instead of pushing myself into discomfort I cared for myself with a confident "no" to things I preferred not to be a part of. That version of me just a few years ago who found little morsels of joy even in the midst of what felt like the biggest storm. . I smile & look at her (those younger versions of me) with my mind’s eye. I hug her, I dance with her, I tell her I am proud of her, I forgive her for the things she was pitting against herself, I let her in on secrets about her future that she can only imagine. . I also have been indulging in the practice of praying to future versions of myself. The version of myself next year who will be fresh off of surviving a global pandemic. The version of myself who is 40 and will be benefiting from the choices I'm making now. The version of myself who is 50 and taking stock of how I've been existing in this world. The version of myself who is 70 who may be celebrating deeply in the friendships I am investing in now. . I pray to those versions of me. I ask her to be gentle with me, I coax her for hints on what to come, I list for her all the ways I am caring for her, right now—with that expensive face cream, through weekly therapy, by taking a few risks in business. I make promises to her, I speak my desires for her. I get energized and inspired knowing that she—that sage and grounded version of me—is waiting to meet me finally. . Take some time to reflect on all versions of yourself. This is a deeply intimate & revealing practice.”

A post shared by Rachel Elizabeth Cargle (@rachel.cargle) on

LETTER TO MY YOUNGER SELF

Dear younger me,

You did all of that. You were dropped into an abyss of poverty and despair on the South Side of Chicago. Some how, you made it out. I’m so f***ing proud of you. You made a lot of mistakes trying to ignore all the pain you carried. I’m sorry so many people in your life hurt you. I’m sorry so many people you loved and trusted did not value you. F*** them. F*** them, they Momma and their cousins too! You were kind, loving, brave, bold, you did the best you could with what you could muster and figure out after your parents died. I’m so glad you fought for some semblance of freedom.

I love you. xoxoxo

Dear older self,

F*** it, girl we made it!!!!! We are here. Sarcoidosis, divorce, under valued, over stressed — but we are still here. Still surviving. I have one thing to ask of you: NEVER GIVE UP!!!! EVER!!! NEVER GIVE UP ON YOU. YOU ARE A SURE BET!!! If anyone can survive, it is you. Keep being a good person, keep being comical, keep being YOU. You deserve to live, Darling. You fought so hard to stand up after being knocked down. You fought so hard to be here and stand on your own. Enjoy this life. You are amazing, sagging tits, double chin, weight gain and all.

I love you. xoxoxo