It is not a question of “if”, it is always “when”

On the long commute home, my kid asked me was I ever felt angry because my marriage failed after they were born.

The question caught me completely off guard. Then with a burst of honesty and a huge lump in my throat, I told my child this…

“I never once regretted having you. You weren’t the reason the marriage failed. It was failing before you were conceived. It was never a question in my mind or heart of “if” your Dad would cheat on me, it was always a question of “when”.”

We sort of looked at each other in sadness, but my kid knew I was telling the truth.

It was cathartic for me to be honest with myself. I had been carrying that on my heart since December 2002. I loved him — deeply — completely, but because of all the other people who hurt me and discarded me in the past, I always felt I wasn’t enough for him. And I was right.

Yet, I thank him for the love he did give me because it was the catalyst for creating a brilliant human being.

A human being who is the greatest LOVE of my life.