What you should know before reading this blog post is that I’m a Black American Mother. I’m very proud and enjoy my Motherhood greatly. I’m divorced, so parenting on my own sometimes is a challenge or working with my coparent presents challenges as well. Throw being Black American in America on top of it and you have some very hard days. I would not change them for the world. However, my parenting isn’t that fluffy, Instagram-able, non-inclusive, bullshit that you are used to online. My parenting is real, raw and honest – like my life. So if you are looking for “feel good Mommy” stories – honey this ain’t it, this ain’t the space for you. Now, if you are intrigued…. read on.
Who are these parents that are pushing the limits of their sanity and their kids patience seeking perfection? Who are you? Reveal yourself.
Parenting is not a perfect science because each human being is different. There is no “one stop” shop for how humanity behaves, how to love and raise a child and how to cope when you get shhhhhh wrong. I’m sorry to have to burst your bubble.
This is the only book that you need whilst you are pregnant and then after that, you take bits and pieces from different books to match your parenting style. Additionally, you get your parenting style from how you were parented. Let me say it again, you get your parenting style from how you were parented. So if your parents were kinda f***ed up, you need to evaluate what you need to change so you don’t repeat the cycle. Again, not a perfect science and don’t seek perfection because that kind of dysfunction will have a toxic transference to your kids. Do you want that? No. No, you don’t want that.
Your kid is an unique individual that deserves you to be all in and to be flexible.
I was one of those new parents that thought I need to follow a chart, a diagram, a timeline. How sway? The evolution of my kid didn’t follow a chart, a diagram or any timeline. Goals were met. I was and still am highly in tune with my kid. I parent with love and kindness. It’s not always Stepford Wife level parenting from me. I will give my kid chips for breakfast on the go. I sometimes sing badly as a way to get my kid to smile before bed time. Sometimes, when my kid is gone to their Dad’s house, I ball up in their bed and cry because I miss them. Perfection, not hardly. Human – undoubtedly.
I have gotten so many things wrong in the “parenting game”. I’ve failed in front of my kid in love, in life, in my health — but I’m honest with my kid. I take my challenges head on with great transparency to demonstrate that even though I’m “Mommy”, I’m human. Don’t put me on a soapbox, but you have every right to expect for me to be there for you, support you, love you, champion you, discipline you, laugh with you, cry with you and most importantly respect you as you evolve into a wonderful adult human being. That’s basically all I got and I know that in the end all my love, all my hard work may not be the best – but it will be enough to instill core foundational beliefs of kindness, respect and honesty.
So with me over a decade in the parenting game, I’m just wondering why people seek perfection in rearing a human being when we know perfection is a hustle and it doesn’t exist. Perfection is by far one of the antithesis of humanism, is it not?
What’s your thoughts? Perfect parenting – it’s a hoax, is it not?