Sometimes there are bad days…

Schitt’s Creek / Moira Rose

There will be good days and there will be bad days. How many more good days have you had?

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That is the statement and question my Rheumatologist will ask every follow up visit. For the past 2 years 10 months, I have honestly answered more good than bad.

… But I do have bad days. And there are other things going on with me besides Sarcoidosis. By products of Sarc like chronic sinusitis infections, fatigue and depression.

Today, was a bad day. When the medical grade decongestant wore off, my body went into a 180 degree tailspin. And I didn’t have time to mope or cry, I got real sick real fast and my immune system let me know it was not a happy bunny. Instead of freaking out, I just shut down.

Days like this means my kid has to see me cope and the super cape falls off. I am no longer the SuperMom that started the day, I am Sick Mommy. Giant Mommy down. I cannot stand. I can’t hold my head up. I have to help with homework from my bed. It takes longer for me to my fabulous Future CEO and the dogs in for bed. (Yes, I have a small tuck in routine for my woofers. Don’t judge me. I love my dogs.)

And I know it worries my kid and my dogs to see me moving so slow, or shut down in pain.

I often pray that by seeing this side of me, my kiddo with have more empathy for self, in life. Life happens. We are all just some comical mortals. I am just an old human being with a wonky immune system and too much damn inflammation. I often pray that my kiddo doesn’t worry too much about me, because I am a fighter. I will come out swinging tomorrow.

Life sucker punched me and handed me my ass today. It happens, this is life as a parent with a chronic illness. Yet, I no longer live with the shame of hiding my bad days and I no longer allow myself to be stressed about it.

You get knocked down 9 times.
You f’ing stand up 10.
That’s life.

And when my Rheumatologist makes his statement and asks his question, my answer will still be… I have more good days than bad.

Now in this wee hours of the night, I will try and stomach my meds and get this sinus infection to kick rocks.

Sincerely,
Bipedal Primate w/
A testimony about
Being human