There will be good days and there will be bad days. How many more good days have you had?
That is the statement and question my Rheumatologist will ask every follow up visit. For the past 2 years 10 months, I have honestly answered more good than bad.
… But I do have bad days. And there are other things going on with me besides Sarcoidosis. By products of Sarc like chronic sinusitis infections, fatigue and depression.
Today, was a bad day. When the medical grade decongestant wore off, my body went into a 180 degree tailspin. And I didn’t have time to mope or cry, I got real sick real fast and my immune system let me know it was not a happy bunny. Instead of freaking out, I just shut down.
Days like this means my kid has to see me cope and the super cape falls off. I am no longer the SuperMom that started the day, I am Sick Mommy. Giant Mommy down. I cannot stand. I can’t hold my head up. I have to help with homework from my bed. It takes longer for me to my fabulous Future CEO and the dogs in for bed. (Yes, I have a small tuck in routine for my woofers. Don’t judge me. I love my dogs.)
And I know it worries my kid and my dogs to see me moving so slow, or shut down in pain.
I often pray that by seeing this side of me, my kiddo with have more empathy for self, in life. Life happens. We are all just some comical mortals. I am just an old human being with a wonky immune system and too much damn inflammation. I often pray that my kiddo doesn’t worry too much about me, because I am a fighter. I will come out swinging tomorrow.
Life sucker punched me and handed me my ass today. It happens, this is life as a parent with a chronic illness. Yet, I no longer live with the shame of hiding my bad days and I no longer allow myself to be stressed about it.
You get knocked down 9 times.
You f’ing stand up 10.
And when my Rheumatologist makes his statement and asks his question, my answer will still be… I have more good days than bad.
Now in this wee hours of the night, I will try and stomach my meds and get this sinus infection to kick rocks.
Bipedal Primate w/
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