I’m not apathetic. I’m slowly becoming despondent.
Today, I woke up like normal. Snoozed the alarm about 8 times. Looked at my notifications on Facebook. Looked at my notifications on Instagram. Popped onto Twitter.
And like it was on queue, I was instantly outraged at the insanity of our current government officials. There was an excessive dose of racism, but I think that is truly par for the course with America. There was sexism that reminded me of the unfair treatment I’ve received as a Black woman in my countless financial service roles. There was the ongoing debate among Black Americans who are descendants of American Chattel slaves and elitist African immigrants on who should tell our story and why we don’t see elitist immigrants as our allies. There was the usually pathetic lack of moxie shown by the Democrats and their failure to have a true working class and Black American agenda.
Despair set in.
It was quick and all encompassing.
It was heavy and menacing.
The despair I feel as a Black American divorced mother trying to raise a Black American child to thrive in our home country of America, whilst in tandem trying to protect my child from America’s racism, sexism, colorism and unbridled violence is a giant lead weight that I drag around in my mind constantly — especially when I analyze all the bullshit that fills social media.
I started to ask myself – WHAT’S REAL?
I suddenly asked myself “what the f*** are you really doing”? Being enraged everyday serves no purpose if you aren’t organizing in your community to resolve what enrages, hurts or economically strangulates you. It’s traumatizing if nothing else. Or maybe I see all the evidence that things haven’t truly changed for Black Americans in over 4 – 6 decades and my soul is chipped away daily.
I am hot like fish grease at the absurdity and cruelty of it all. So, what am I doing?
Honestly, I do so much volunteering and spread so much love in my micro-community with my friends and family, that is what I know to be real. The love of my social village – that is not on any online / social media platform.
The fake outrage, the desk jockies, the online only do-gooders – NOT REAL. Not making a damn bit of difference and not implementing change. They are light weights.
So I ask YOU to ask yourself – where are you in this crazy world of online personas versus the in-person / on-the-ground reality? What is real to you? What is real to your family? Given this caitiff renaissance – what are we really doing to protect our minds, our children and our emotional health?