The one thing about adulthood is that most of the time it reveals ugly things to you when you dig deep in your wisdom and re-examine situations you find unpleasant.
I’m always doing this because I’m an obsessive OVER-THINKER. On top of being stone-cold crazy.
One of the revelations that cuts deep is when you realize someone you held in high regard as a friend was never really your friend – at all. They were your associate and they were only in your life for a season. — It’s jarring because there is a scream from your heart and it is yelling “LET THESE MOTHERF***ERS GO”.
I think when I got divorced and I had to deal with the dysfunction I accepted in my life, I started to realize I accepted dysfunction and a great deal of discomfort in my friendships. I stayed emotionally adjacent to people who really weren’t clapping when I was winning. I stayed emotionally adjacent because I had a “history” with the person. I had simply known them for so very long.
— yet there were times – oh were there times when they showed me who they are, what they thought of me, and the failure of their social-moral compass. The anti-Black Woman comments. The anti-dark skin comments. Comments about my hair, my nose or just the ever so slight publicly “shading” me. Those moments where their “Jack and Jill” up bringing was on attack of my very quirky “79th Street demeanor”.
I look back and I say to myself you would never let your child suffer such fools or their foolishness — so why must you? so why do you? Turn that “do” into a “did”. Let these people walk out of your life and champion the seasons in which they made you smile.
Now I am at a place of peace and in my life, my real off-line life they are terribly absent. They are not celebrating my child’s birthday with phone calls or text. They have not reached out to give any encouraging words since my Sarcoidosis “come back”. Offline they are strangers and online we share old pictures in which we are both tagged. We just share memories of an era that’s long gone by. I’m not that girl anymore and my life is vastly different.
I see their social media accounts and posts. It only solidifies we are friends via the Facebook server. We share our love of music, Chicago, England, Black American culture…. there are so many commonalities via the algorithm – but in real life, when the phone doesn’t ring, when there is no dialogue, no text to say “I cherish our friendship” or simply “I love you”… we are NOTHING.
So once I got to this point of clarity – I simply bid them adieu.
Sometimes people are only in our life for a season and we must learn to know when they are past their “sell-by” date and we must for the good of our sanity and the universe, just let them go.
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