Day 4 & 5 – The ‘roids? Are they working?

Sooooooo, I have felt a smidge weird. My eyes are irritated and the occasional headache, not cute. I have been taking ibuprofen at night along with ginger / camomile tea to fight off night time inflammation. I am trying to reduce my caloric intake…. But um, I am a rather large, svelte mammal — I need my food.

Taking meds everyday is humbling, embarrassing and makes me sad. I didn’t want to be 45yrs old and this is my life. I was the girl who ran track. I danced. I modelled. Damnit, I did yoga. I was a size 4. I was never ill. Then suddenly fibroids, benign clusters in my breasts, granulomas, Sarcoidosis, two nervous breakdowns, a shit ton of weight gain and now Sarcoidosis again. Yeah, um… I didn’t plan for all this bovine fecal matter in my life. Needless to say it’s scary, but I am not a punk and there is some fight left in me.

The Prednisone keeps me up at night. I don’t like it. Maybe because I have spent the last 13 years fatigued. I don’t know what it is like to have energy late at night. Usually, by 8pm… sometimes I am so exhausted I want to cry because sleep is the only relief I can get from the heaviness of #Sarcoidosis. These late nights on the ‘roids have been some of my most creative nights in about 13 years. I have been able to write, jot down podcast notes and have a reflect cup of tea alone with my thoughts. So there is an upside.

I hope the steroids work. I just want to be whole again without the help of medicine for the rest of my life. Going through this is a different type of brokenness that is hard to explain.

I won’t try and explain the nuances. I will most certainly just try and push through them.

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#Sarcodosis #SarcoidosisWarrior #ThisHereSarcoidosis #RareDisease #SarcoidosisAwareness #Respiratory #LungSarcoidosis #Lesions #SarcoidosisIsVisible #PowerToThePurple #sarcoid #autoimmune #BlackAmericanHealth #HealthCare #Awareness