This year I have nicknamed myself the “Prime Minister of #FeelKazistan”. I admit my personality flaw is slowly processing my feelings and lacklustre emotion regulation.
So I feel “a way”…
I always feel “a way”. Lol.
When my marriage hit multiple bad patches, I had a very delusional but simple coping mechanism. I imagined that my ex-husband and I would eventually get pass the patch and when we got old, we would grow tomatoes together. A simple, loving and kind thought.
Eventually, we would be in love again and we would grow tomatoes.
Through all the bad times, I would conjure that image. It kept me sane. It was how I coped.
Well it all fell apart and I had two nervous breakdowns. Mentally and emotionally, I was in shambles. And what snapped my mind in half was the day I was in so much despair about being abandoned that I realized there would be no tomatoes to grow, there was no future, the marriage was dead and gone.
No more visions of growing tomatoes.
And it broke my heart and shattered my mind…
I had to reimagine my future. And that’s what evolution is all about. Sometimes we have to let go of the unrealistic notions of our future.
Sometimes we have to let go of the life we thought we would have and readjust so we can enjoy the life we have.
It has been a long road of self discovery. I have had to accept that I will have to rebuild my vision. I had to be strong and pick myself up out of despair. I also had to accept the fact that I was going to be alone and build a garden of happiness all by myself.
So fast forward to a month ago, I decided I was ready to start my garden.
And wouldn’t you know it, a family friend gave me a beautiful, organic …. Tomato plant last week.
I guess that was the universe letting me know I was healing and truly ready to create a beautiful, loving and kind future by myself … And with some yummy tomatoes.