Who am I? Who am I? Hell I don’t know. I have been evolving non-stop since the times of disco and roller skates in 1973. I thought I knew who I was at 18. I was a rebel. I thought I knew who I was at 21. I was a broken but amazing Black American woman lost and confused. I thought I knew who I was at 25 when I said f*** Chicago, f*** its racism, f*** its pervasive colorism in the Black community and f*** its institutionalized racism that was killing my career. I left for New York and never looked back. I thought I knew who I was at 28yrs old when I declared that I didn’t want any children in my future, I was going to spend the rest of my life dj’ing on the side, doing accounting by day, travelling and drinking cocktails until my old age. I thought I knew myself when I fell in love in Belgium, hopped on a plane and left my entire life behind to live in England with the person I thought was the greatest love of my life. I was 29.
… and then I started not to know myself very well, for a really long time. And I realized that it wasn’t that I didn’t know me, I was in denial of who I was and wanted to be. I had forgot that humanity requires growth or decay at every stage of life. So for about 9yrs I was decomposing – FAST. I definitely didn’t know who the hell I was during the divorce. I was unrecognizable – especially when my brain went on the fritz and I had two nervous breakdowns. I don’t know who that woman was, but hot damn she made it all work under severe duress. I know she wanted to heal and she wanted to just be at peace.
Well, I’m 44yrs old now. And who I am? I’m definitely somebody’s Momma. First and foremost. I’m definitely an amazing, passionate, lover of men, wine, cheese and ramen. In that order! I’m a friend to some and I’m still learning to be a friend to myself first. I’m this wanna be writer gal… I’ve been writing since I was 13, but I’m so-so at it. I enjoy it. It makes me smile. It helps me unpack the voices rambling on in my head. It helps me unpack the pain that sometimes haunts me at night, in my dreams and when I turn around to sadistically examine my past.
I am a sexy, loving, talented, nerdy and quirky Black American unicorn of epic proportions filled with love, sarcasm, expletives and possibly red wine.
Stay tuned, because I’m growing and the best is yet to come.
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