Backstory: I suffer from depression. I actively manage my triggers, reactions & obtuse self analysis.
I spent Christmas alone. My kid was with Dad. I was with my 3 dogs, a plethora of tea and HULU. At the other end of the phone was my chat session with my Future CEO, my endless stream of banter and heart emoji(s) with my sexy lover, some lovely text dialogues with my inspiring friends and I even had a wonderful phone chat with a dear friend I hold close to my heart from England.
By the end of the night I had learned another celebrity had passed on. This morning I sat through a 115 piece slideshow via CNN about celebrities dying. As I strolled to the en suite deep in thought, here is part one of my clever epiphany … PEOPLE DIE EVERY GOTDAMN DAY.
I started thinking about little Black American girls and boys who are rotting away physically, mentally and emotionally in America’s jail cells because of the 13th Amendment, because their momma(s) are too poor to make bail. I started thinking about all the people dying in Africa because of their corrupt governments and the Western world funding the civil unrest because they have a vested interest in their natural resources. I started thinking about Aleppo, Syria, Tibet, the Aborginies suffering murder and racism in Australia … I was overwhelmed in the amount of human tragedy that plays out daily. I was overwhelmed with my acute self-absorbed foolishness over a celebrities dying and me complaining that chunks of my youth are being blown in the wind. Yeah, I’m 43…. chunks of my youth .. pardon my slang…. been gone. I started to think earnestly about humanity and realized that people are dying and suffering unthinkable pains all over the world. Each. Day. Every. Day. Period.
My Mother died March 19, 1994. She died of smoke inhalation in a bad fire when her stove exploded. Her public obituary was a small blurb in the Chicago Sun-Times. I believe they called her “a Chicago woman”. They didn’t even know her name. My Dad died over my Christmas holiday my junior year of high school, I was 16. He didn’t get an article in the newspaper. He was simply dead. People die. Every day. People just die.
So today after part 1 of my clever epiphany on the can, I decided that part 2 would be that all you can do is LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE. Live a life in which you are kind and fair to others. Live a life in which you try your best to be good and help those who are indeed in need. Accept that life will not be perfect. You will not win the race all the time. Invest in the journey. Stop to smell the roses and dandelions and lillies along the way.
Death comes. You have the option to pray for the good Lord not to take you today. I know that is my prayer every night.
Don’t take me yet Lord, I need to see all my grandbabies! All of them.
And my prayer in the morning is:
Lord, thank you for another day. I appreciate the Blessings.
I am not bound by any organized religion, my faith in God, the Lord and the Universe is my choice. I know that each day I wake up is a chance to do good in the world. Even when the world is not good to me. Even when I feel shitty cause I’m not who I thought I was going to be when I was 16, 21, 30 or even 35. I see an intangible contract between me and the universe, it wakes me up another day and I am bound to go out and live my best life for that day. Rinse. Repeat.
As I sip the last of my sweet tea, I won’t lament too much about what I cannot control today. I will just smile and think…. today my smile, my hug, my kind word or even my snark will warm the heart of someone today. And that’s me living. Me, living my best life.
So go live yours!!!