{Blog Post via Instagram}

#DivorcedMomChronicles Writing my past, writing my perceptions and writing my truth is a well needed release to close out the day. In the last 15 mins of today, I want to write about how it feels when you realize that you are not enough for the person you love. There comes a moment in every incomplete union where one person realizes “they simply aren’t enough”. And no amount of love, sex, kindness, generosity, or money will ever replace the void of the other person’s love. The moment when you realize that the other person simply doesn’t love ALL THAT YOU ARE. I’ve been there. One of the most important relationships of my life, on my 31st birthday, I had my moment where I quietly realized I was never going to be enough. It crushed me to the point that I went back to abusing alcohol. It was my birthday. We had went to the city centre. He had argued with his mates all day. His mates went to one club and we went to a pub not far away. I just wanted to be loved, adored & exalted on my birthday. But all he could talk about was his mates. This argument with his mates consumed him. Finally, exacerbated & embarrassed in front of his other friends … I lost it. I had a huge “It’s my birthday, what about me” moment. And the tears welling up in my eyes seem to have meant nothing. The night carried on and then later he caught up to his best mates, they reconciled. It was a very single, quiet moment but I can remember it so well that I feel my back tightening up as I type… he was out on the dance floor talking to his best mates and I saw his eyes light up. The light was dancing off his gorgeous eyes. He had the biggest smile. His happiness was palatable. You could touch it. He looked so beautiful in that moment, but my presence and our love was a non-factor. I was facing him from the side. I was starring at him & he didn’t even notice I was there. I was invisible. I had crossed an ocean for him & now I was invisible. I remember I started crying right in the party. Then I collected myself in the bathroom. I came back out & decided alcoholism would be my self medication. I knew in that moment, I wasn’t enough. In the end, I simply wasn’t. #FabWorld #Life #Relationships via @EfabulousHB on Instagram http://ift.tt/2d4UWIq
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